I am going to share a trick with you to overcome your ego / identity, but before I do I want to share a little bit about ego and identity so I know we are on the same page.
In my understanding your ego and identity are one and the same thing. It is a construct that we create to protect us from life, to ensure that we survive, and to get our human needs met.
In case you don’t know what your human needs are let me quickly run through them (these were developed by Tony Robbins)
Spiritual needs (not religious but needs that our soul/sprit has) you will not be truly fulfilled and happy unless you meet these two needs and not everyone has balanced the first 4 so does not have the ability to give attention the these last 2.
5. Growth - If you do not feel like you are growing you will feel like you are dying inside.
6. Contribution - Have a life that has meaning and an ability to give back to know that you have value.
I believe that your identity / ego is constructed to get those first four needs met. How you go about that will be vary from person to person and will mostly be learnt from the people around you. Your parents, your siblings, your grandparents, your key caregivers growing up. You will have watched and learnt how they got those needs met and you will most likely do the same. Do they use manipulation? Are they people pleasers? Do they get angry and use force? They will have developed personality traits to ensure that they get those needs met.
You created your personality to get your needs met and to ensure that you survive in the physical world. There for your identity the thing that you think of as who you are is not really the truth of who we are. It is an adaptation that you have learned and created to ensure that you survive in the world.
One of the other things about the identity which is really quite interesting is that if this idea of who you are is threatened, challenged, or if something is learnt that contradicts it’s view of itself or the world you become very defensive, hurt or aggressive. All sorts of things get evoked in you to protect your identity/personality/ego that you have created that you believe is who you are.
However there is a part of you, something much, much deeper which I call your truth (also called the soul). It is a spark of source of god whatever it is you want to call it that resides within you. When I look back over my life I have changed and adapted my personality to get more of my needs met in a way that uplifts me more and brings me more happiness. I can’t even associate the me I am now with who I was in my 20’s, but there is a part of me that as far back as I can remember has always been and still is the truth of me. It was there when I was a very small child, it was there when I was in my early teens, it was there in my late teens and in my 20s and 30s and is still here now that I am into my 40s. It is the truth of who I really am. And when you connect with that part of you, you realise that it is eternal. It can never be destroyed. It can never be rejected and it cannot be hurt, damaged or broken in any way shape or form. Even though we think it can be. Part of the identity/personality/ego that we've developed is there to protect this truth deep within us. The strange thing is that when you truly connect to your truth you realise that it doesn't need protecting at all.
I am aware that at the beginning of this blog I promised you a trick. And I have been sharing all of this because I am building up to giving it to you. It is a very simple trick and it is
The less seriously you take your identity/ego/personality that you have created the less it has a hold over you and the freer you become to be the truth of who you really are. Allowing your self to judge and feel ashamed about who you are and what you have done will keep you trapped in a prison of ego compounding the problems to try to get out of them. Developing the ability to laugh at yourself to laugh, at the mistakes you make, the things you have done that you consider embarrassing and to realise you are only human and that, that is not who you truly are gives you the freedom to live more fully. To live more expansively and to live more joyfully.
I hope that in time you will get to know the real truth of who you are and if you want to do that with me it's something I do with my clients you are welcome to connect with me.
So much love from me to you