Wishing everyone love and joy this festive season.
The premise for this email is that you have the power to influence your experience. Over the festive season you will most likely see lots of friends and family and whist this can be wonderful it can also lead to some challenging situations. Old dramas, grudges and roles being played out which can mean that it is not the joyous occasion you might have hoped for. I hope to share some thoughts to help you step put of the old patterns and to start to create new ones - ones you would much rather participate in.
1, You Don’t Need to Take On Other Peoples Stuff If you have ever walked in on two people arguing you know that other peoples emotions can cause quite intense reactions in yourself, especially if you are not prepared. All too often you can get drawn into other peoples stuff when you spend any amount of time with them. Now this will take some focus but it is possible for you to choose who you want to be in any situation. You might chose to be understanding, helpful, kind, loving, funny, and so on. I have been pondering how best to share this idea and have come up with this analogy. Imagine some blue coloured water. You can either be a colourless drop of water and when you are added to the mix you will just take on the blue that is already there OR you can come in with your own colour lets say yellow and change the colour of all the water from blue to green. If you were to come with a different colour lets say brown you would also change the mix but the outcome might not be so pleasant. So what colour / vibration / emotion do you want to be? Choose it before you see anyone and hold it what ever happens you don’t even need to do anything other than focus on the emotion you have chosen and let your actions come from that pace.
2, Let Go Of ExpectationsExpectations are the main cause of disappointment, anger, and frustration. Just imagine you expect that when you arrive to someones house they are ready and looking forward to seeing you. But… when you get there everything is in chaos they have dashed out to the shops and when you finally get in they need you to help clean and cook. Because you had an expectation your ego will think something is wrong because your imagined scenario didn’t happen and then cause you to have intense negative emotions. If on the other hand you are able to approach situations with no expectations you will be free to dance in the moment and accept what ever presents itself. Your ego will not be triggered and you will be ale to really be there for others. There is no pain in letting go of your thought image rather there is just the joy of being with someone you care about.
3, Be The Love You Want To Feel In The WorldI taught my children this many years ago - Not everyone is able to love you the way you would like to be loved but everyone loves to be loved. Instead of expecting (yes there is the pesky expectation again) others to give you love, BE the source of love and let it start with you. Be the one to give out hugs and tell people how much they mean to you. If my children can do it to adults (family, I didn’t shove them into the street and tell them to start loving random strangers :)) I am sure you can find the courage to step up and be the Love you want to feel in the world!
4, Focus on Gratitude and Kindness You cannot change the world but you can change who you are being in the world and through this you can change the world. By focusing on gratitude and kindness you will change the focus of your thoughts and naturally bring more joy into your life. I have been running a gratitude group (Connect with me on FaceBook and send me a message if you want to join) for close to 6 months. I am blown away by how when I focus on gratitude I just see so much more beauty and wonder in the world. We (the gratitude group) have also been doing a random acts of kindness challenge this December. At first as I went about looking for ways to be kind life seemed the same, but after doing it for about a week I found that it was harder for me to find ways to be kind because there was too much kindness flowing back towards me! I know it sounds nuts but just try it even by letting people in when you are driving, if you do it for a week or more you will see that more people start to let you in. Freaky but fun freaky!
5, Let Go Of Should’s, Shouldn’t’s, Must’s and Must Not’s. When you approach something from the point of view that it has to be the way you want it to be or else it is wrong, not only are you saying that someone else is less important than you, but you are also fighting with reality. If you think about how it feels to be less important than someone else, it does not feel very good at all, and different people react to this in different ways. Some might fight back to prove that actually you are wrong, some people back off and withdraw and others become defensive. In none of these situations is there love, understanding and joy. And… who are YOU that you get to decide what is right and what is wrong? Who died and made you God? (I love this saying of Byron Katie’s) It is quite silly when you really think about it. Let me give you an example - Let’s say you are having a big meal together and one person thinks everyone should eat early (they have young children that need to go to bed) someone else thinks that everyone should eat late (they are young and want to pop in on some friends before they come for the meal). If you were to get stuck in who is right and who is wrong it would lead to a very tense meal and no one would really enjoy it as someone would always end up feeling like they were less important. Instead what would happen if you focused on why you were all getting together. Normally this is to enjoy each other and share connection. Then the question is not who is right and who is wrong but what needs to happen so that we can all create joy? Maybe the children get fed early and everyone else eats later, or everyone who is there easts early but some food is saved for the people who want to come later and everyone looks forward to connecting when they get there. When no one is made to be wrong whatever happens there is love and joy.
When you let go of should’s and shouldn’t’s, must’s and must not’s there is space to be with what is. To really understand people and meet them where they are at and enjoy them and love them.
6, Change Your Perspective (an extra one for good luck) This is a little extra one for anyone who is on their own over the festive season. It can feel like you have been forgotten or that no one cares but if you change your perspective it can be a wonderful gift. I am actually going to be on my own this Christmas (my boys are going to their fathers and my mother is going to my cousin’s) I have had a very long and challenging year so have chosen to stay at home and at first I did feel a little disregarded because my mum chose to go somewhere else. I realised that I was doing some the things I have shared with you above - expectations, should’s and shouldn’t’s and taking on other peoples stuff. When I sat with it, firstly I realised it was my choice (I could have gone to my cousins too), that I was honouring myself by giving myself some quiet time which I really need and I decided instead of feeling unloved because people should be together over Christmas I decided to make it a really special time by having a home retreat. If you are on your own what can you do to make that time really special for yourself. For me it is going to be having long sleeps, doing yoga, meditating, going for walks and eating wonderful healthy and tasty food. I realise this isn’t everyones idea of fun but with two teenage kids having the house to myself is a treat and I am going to make the most of it.
I hope you find love and joy in what ever way is most authentic to you. Sending so much love and best wishes for a phenomenal 2020!