The wonderful news is that happiness is with you always it is just a matter of finding it.
This is the third part of my happiness program. As I said in my earlier article, I think that you need to focus on three aspects of yourself to create deep happiness – Body, Mind and finally Soul.
To create happiness in your life you will need to let go of all of the ‘things’ that you have let cloud it. Let go of all of your stress, as this is just in your mind. The only thing that ever stresses us is our thoughts. When you don’t think about something it doesn’t stress you. Let go of all of the ideas that you need to be somewhere or something other than what you are. They are ridiculous anyway, I mean how can you possibly be anything other than what you are right now! The conflict thoughts we think come from us fighting what actually is, what is real and present. When you are able to let go of this you will find that there is a peace inside you and in this peace is happiness. There is a wonderful saying “As above so below” and just like we don’t like to see fighting in the world or between friends or siblings we also don’t like to fight ourselves. Without the fighting there can only be peace and with that happiness.
Your soul is your authentic self it is the essence of who you really are. It has a quiet voice and if you are caught up in your head and your thoughts you won’t hear it. You have to step out of your head to be able to connect with your soul. The easiest way to remember how it feels is to go back to when you were a young child, to remember the freedom to just be you, to laugh at things that amused you or just sing because you felt like you would explode if you didn’t. I remember that I used to sing on the toilet, I know it is a bit weird but I would sing to God, I was so full of happiness and joy that I couldn’t keep it in. You didn’t do things because you had to, you did them because they made you happy. Yet throughout life you are taught to do what you are told and not to listen to yourself. You have to go to school, study subjects that bore you, you have to get a good job and so it goes on. I do not know where these ideas came from or if they even made the first person who thought them happy but I can see that it has made a world full of unhappy and unsatisfied people. This is not to say that learning is bad -far from it, I love to learn but it is the mind-set that someone other than you knows better than you what is good for you.
We are not taught to believe in ourselves and trust ourselves and we stopped listening to ourselves a long time ago. To become a happy person you will need to reconnect to that inner voice of your soul and to start to live from this place. Do things you are moved to do- don’t put them off. I know it sounds too simple but from personal experience and from working with others I know that this can be very hard. It is important to remember that how hard we make this is down to how hard we fight ourselves.
People say they don’t have time and that is simply because they don’t make time. Get up 10 minutes earlier, go to sleep 10 minutes later, take a lunch break and go for a short walk in a park or garden or somewhere that is green. And instead of listening to your thoughts go round and round and round in your head listen to the birds and the breeze. Feel the energy of a place. Is it peaceful or busy, is it slow or fast. Does it bubble or is it still. The only person in your life that can change your life is you so put your life first and start to learn how to create happiness in your life.
It does take practice to learn the different languages and voices of your being. You have the language of your ego which is fear based and panicky, full of doubts and uncertainties, you will have the voice of your parents or caregivers going on in the back ground, you shouldn’t do this, you should do that, this is good, that is bad, it might even tell you who you are -whether you are lazy or amazing. You will have the voice of society telling you who you should become and what is acceptable in society.You will also have the voices of your closest friends and partners telling you that you should make time for them and you should do this so that they will be happy. In all of this chatter the quiet language of your soul is often drowned out and yet it is the one that is you, the truth, and the way. The way your soul communicates is in inspirations, it is in the thoughts that pop into your head, call so and so or the desire for a coffee at a certain café, or for the feeling of grass beneath your feet. It can easily be ignored but ignore it at your peril because that is where you happiness lies.
There are a few techniques you can use to listen to yourself and these are;
Happiness does not come from getting more or from outside of yourself it comes from allowing yourself to do things that bring you happiness. Your happiness is always inside you, you just have to line up with it. This is how to create happiness in your life, wishing you every success and happiness
With love Britt
Why would you look anywhere else?
There are millionaires that are unhappy and there are poor people that are very happy, there are couple that are miserable and single people who are very happy, that is not to say that the opposite is also true. It is not in the acquisition of ‘things’ or people that creates happiness, we are going to look at finding happiness within yourself.
For those of you that missed last week’s blog I spoke about how when finding happiness within yourself you need to be aware of 3 areas and to ensure that you are taking care of all of them. These areas are your body, your mind and your soul. Last week we looked at the body and this week we will be looking at how to look after your mind so that you can allow happiness into your life.
I believe that happiness is not a one size fits all and that you will have to go out and find what sets you alight so what I hope to do here is rather draw your attention to how to build your happiness, a bit like teaching you the materials to build a house are bricks, cement, wood and so on and then you can take them and create your own design.
This week we will look at the second part of the 3 steps:
To look after your mind you will need to learn how to direct your thoughts as the state of your mind is very dependent on the thoughts you think. When I first started doing this I thought it was impossible but like someone who has never run 5miles it just takes practice and before you know it you are doing it without even think about it.
There are a number of things that can cause bad thoughts;
a) Negative thinking, this is an addiction, poor me, life is hard, everything just seems to go wrong, this mind-set does not breed happiness and will make you depressed. What you are actually doing here is allowing yourself to be a victim and if this rings true for you, you will need to ask yourself this very tough question – ‘what do I get out of behaving in this way?’ At first you might resist and insist that you don’t get anything from behaving like this but I urge you to look closely you would not do something if you did not get anything out if it. Some of the things that others have gotten out of this mind-set are; attention, recognition, sympathy, connection by being able to identify with others who have experienced the same. I know all too well about the poor me state of mind as it is one that I indulged in for many years. I can promise you if it is happiness you are looking for you won’t find it in this mind-set. To be able to step out of this you will have to;
1. Acknowledge that you do this
2. Catch yourself whenever you enter a poor me phase
3. Refocus your thoughts on what is perfect at that moment
4. Refocus on things that make you happy and smile inside
At times my thoughts can take me off track but I remind myself to stop and observe and all sorts of wonders suddenly appear that I hadn’t seen in my poor me state. I notice the way the sun filters through some overhead leaves, the smile on a man’s face, the birds singing outside. Beauty and happiness are only a heartbeat away if you choose to focus on them. And this brings me to focus.
B) Focus, your brain is an amazing tool, and like most tools in the wrong hands it can be dangerous. It will focus on anything you direct it too and it will find the solution to any question you ask of it. However if you are just allowing it to pick its focus then it will choose things that threaten its survival as that is its automated program. If you have a challenge in life unless you direct it to look for solutions it will start to look for threats and it is very good at that. The same goes for questions, if for example you have a relationship challenge and you do not direct your mind it will most likely find all of the reasons why the relationship can’t work or why it will be hard or why you can’t do it. However just by asking “what needs to happen for this relationship to work” and focusing on this question you will come up with a much more positive direction. Your thoughts can either work for you or against you, it is up to you where they take you.
c) ]Buying into someone else’s reality. This is something you most likely do without even noticing. In fact we have been brought up to do this. At home your parents knew better then you, at school your teacher knew better than you and at work your boss knows better than you. We have not been taught to listen to ourselves or how to create the reality we want. More and more people are now beginning to see that this is possible from books like ‘The Secret’ by Ronda Byron and ‘The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma amongst others. To find happiness within yourself you need to learn how to create your own reality. To start with you will need to recognise when you are buying into other peoples. Here is an example - Your friend or partner might comment on how bad the driving has become and before you know it you are both caught up in a big discussion on driving and the rush people nowadays are in, (ok I know the driving example was a bit lame but I am sure you get the idea). One of the biggest realities we buy into is that our world is dangerous and there is a lot to fear. This is huge and effects people every day of their lives. Just think of the choices you make because of fear, fear you will not have enough to retire on, fear your children will not be successful because you didn’t push them or do the right things, fear that you will get ill, fear that terrorists could attack and so on. To create your own reality you will need to start to focus on how you want things to be rather than on how they appear to be.
I love the quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
To create your own happiness you will need to watch what thoughts and beliefs you allow into your mind.
Access Consciousness has a wonderful saying when someone wants you to buy into their point of view and it is, “That is an interesting point of view”. If said in the right way it is not defensive and it is not aggressive. It is also the truth as this is just someone’s point of view. If you want to know more about Access Consciousness you can follow this link - https://accessllc.infusionsoft.com/go/accessshop/BrittTanya (I am an affiliate of theirs however I would never promote something that I have not personally tired and found to be beneficial)
Can you imagine how happy you would be if you could just get on with your life without all of this fear?
d) Judgments, judgements of any kind have two negative consequences. Firstly they make you feel bad. No one really feels light or positive when they judge others. Secondly as these judgements are actually about how you judge your own life and they actually act like a cadge that you live your life within. A life without judgement is a free life as you are then able to find happiness within yourself rather than live by a set of unreasonable rules. Stepping away from judgement can be hard but making the decision to do so is the first step. Also don’t be too serious about it. I find that when I laugh at myself the struggle goes away. I know I am going to slip up from time to time but I also know that each time I realise I move forwards. I now find it funny when I catch myself, if I judge someone for being late or not getting back to me I realise that this is just another bar on my own cadge that stops me from happiness within myself.
Happiness is found in letting go rather acquiring, letting go of Judgement, negative thought, and living though someone else’s reality.
The mind is a complex thing but if you can start on these areas you will see a huge improvement. Happiness is within yourself but just reading this and not applying it will take you nowhere. I have taken this journey and am now living an imperfect life but I have what many seek and that is happiness. I have also realised that above all else helping others find their way just brings me more happiness, so if you are a bit lost and would like direction just drop me a line.
“Without knowledge action is useless and knowledge without action is futile.” - Abu Bakr
Love you loads
In the last issues I have been sharing with you how we work as humans, but it has dawned on me that this is really my agenda as I find it fascinating and maybe just maybe not everyone shares my passion. So for this issue I have decided to focus the article on something we are all have in common -our desire for – happiness.
You may argue that not all people are after happiness but I would dispute this, if someone wants a Ferrari they are actually after the happiness they perceive will come from it. If someone wants a good relationship, what they are really after is the perceived happiness that this relationship will give them. Unfortunately I have bad news… none of these things in and of themselves will give you the happiness you are craving. I have had a very challenging and changeable life and I can comfortably say that in the last few years I have been blessed to find my happiness. Where did I find it you may ask, it was inside me all the time. Happiness is not something you can find out side of yourself, the excitement of owning a Ferrari will wear off after some time; the lovely new relationship will lose its freshness and have its own challenges, happiness is inside you. These things do not make you happy, you are either happy or you are not, things do not make you happy. Now for the good news, you can become happy. Just like you learnt to be unhappy you can relearn to be happy. And this is what we are going to explore.
If you think back to when you were a child you would just do things that you enjoyed. You did not need them to be taking you somewhere or to be important to your career you just did them because they made your soul smile. It was only through life that you learnt you needed to succeed at something and that certain things were acceptable and certain things were not. That some activities had value while others not so much. Happiness is not so much about learning new things as it is about unlearning a life time of other people’s agendas and society’s conditioning and learning to live from a place of childlike wonder and engagement, happiness is inside you.
I like to look at happiness as a holistic process .If you focus on your mental happiness and ignore your physical happiness this could lead to unnecessary physical challenges that will detract from your overall happiness.
When choosing to be happy I think that there are three areas that you to be aware of.
Body, mind and soul
As there are three areas I am going to split this blog into three and this week focus on Body. The other parts will be posted in the upcoming weeks.
Make sure you are looking after it. I don’t prescribe to a one size fits all so you will have to explore this yourself. There is so much out there on this that I am only going to touch on it briefly. I have found that not every wonder diet suits my constitution so I take a bit from all of them and I listen to how my body feels on them. I recently tried the Banting diet and found that for me it made my tummy feel very heavy and sluggish. I believe that you know best what suits you and you need to learn to listen to how you feel after eating certain foods. If I have too much tea it is almost as if I get an excess of energy and then find it hard to focus and settle so I watch how much I drink and also what mood I am in beforehand. If I am already excited then I do not need any extra stimulation!
The same goes for exercise. I don’t believe that you have to do a certain routine and that only this way of doing things will work. I think when it comes to exercise the most important thing is that you enjoy it. It could be walking, running, dancing, figure skating it doesn’t really matter as long as you enjoy it. I look at it from an energetic point of view if you are not doing any movement then the energy in your body is stagnating. I love running, I don’t like running in races and most of the time I prefer to run on my own except for a few exceptions and they know who they are. I find that I get more inspirations when I run and I am generally more grounded and relaxed. I also love Qui Gong as I love how it feels to play with the energy in my body.
Also ensure that you relax your body, get a massage or have a long hot bath. It does a lot for you so be kind to it and treat it to things that make you smile inside. I buy face creams based on three criteria, firstly they must not be tested on animals, secondly they have to be good quality and thirdly and most importantly I have to feel good when I put them on, I have to like the smell, texture and everything about them. Then just putting it on in the morning makes me feel good inside. Sometimes I think this is even more important than what the creams claim they can do for me
Sleep, this for me is a biggy! I become a scary person if I haven’t slept well. I don’t need lots of sleep but I do need good quality sleep and I know many people don’t get it. If you are not sleeping well it is most likely due to stress or young children and there is not much I can offer in the way of advice for the latter except it all passes and I have found life to be quite ironic! When my children were small I would have given nearly anything for a long lazy lie- in in the morning. But now that they are becoming teenagers and like to sleep in themselves, I am awake at 5.00am! For those that are struggling with stress I have found that keeping a note pad by the side of my bed is the best cure. A lot of people know this but few actually do it. The biggest cause of stress is waking in the middle of the night with a list of things that needs to be done. Or something you need to find a solution to and then worrying that you won’t remember what you were thinking of in the morning. Just write it down and if you are worried about waking your partner keep a small torch by your bed side. It doesn’t take 5mins to write these things down and then you can go back to sleep, peaceful in the knowledge that in the morning you will have a record of your thoughts. I know this sounds almost too simple and it is -but it does work. The people I have coached that have actually done this have found a huge improvement in their sleep patterns.
Breathing, we all breathe otherwise you would be dead but few of us really breathe. I think this is also why exercise is so good for us because we tend to breathe more deeply. If you are feeling stressed or fearful take a moment to breathe deeply into your tummy and imagine all of the tension leaving your body. I find that when I am stressed or tense my body stiffens and becomes tight. Breathing helps me to relax and let go. It also appears to help my body process the emotions I am feeling and not trap them in my body to cause damage at a later date.
Next week we will look how having a healthy mind affects your happiness and how to keep yours healthy so that you can develop the happiness inside you. I look forward to meeting you again next week with love Britt