There is a question that Einstein says is the most important question we can ask ourselves - Do you live in a friendly or a hostile universe. I hear this on a movie - Dare To Dream by The Secret.
It got me thinking, how little trust we have that things will work themselves out, that we will be ok. How much conflict we have with life and all in it. I would say that at least 95% of all people I know even if they think they are very positive deep down act like we live in a hostile universe. I would like to explore this more with you. If you live in a hostile universe you are constantly on edge living in fear of something going wrong. Energetically you are living in resistance, defence and suspicion and you are closed off. If you live life in this manner how do you think you experience life?
If I believe that vaccinations are evil and that they are going to be forced on me even before it happens I have created a me and them. There is devision and I will start to feel as if the world or at least certain people in the world are against me. I might share my views with others and if they agree with me we might get all excited and share our experiences that justify our point of view. If I share my views with people that don’t agree with me I might be met with hostility and anger by people who feel I am going to do harm to others by not conforming. This is not to say that you should or should not get vaccinated. I am not trying to open up a discussion on the rights and wrongs of it. I just want to demonstrate how when you believe that we live in a hostile universe what you believe becomes reality.
To see what you real beliefs are what are your answers to these questions?
If you truly believed that you live in a friendly universe you would feel content that what ever you feel is not good on this planet of ours is in the process of being worked out or that will ultimately be for the greater good even if you cannot always see how that can be from your vantage point. There is a lovley quote - everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok it’s not the end. - Fernando Sabino
This does not mean that you cannot should not take action but that how you take action is important. If you take it with anger and fear you will be adding to the anger and fear already in the universe but if you truly believe that we live in a friendly universe you can take action from a space of love and compassion. I remember Mother Teresa was asked to support an anti war rally and said 'I will never attend an anti-war rally. If you have a peace rally, invite me.’
Going back to the vaccination example I gave earlier whether you believe we should or should not have them is irrelevant it is how you interact with your belief. Do you feel that you are going to be made to have them, do you believe that people will refuse to have them and there for endanger others or are you happy to make you decision knowing that what ever it is will be right for you? I hope you can see that the first two scenarios are based in fear and anger and only the last one is based in trust.
Trusting life is a choice. You might think that when you look back on your life that there are not many examples of how trusting life has served. Very little evidence to suggest that you should trust life. I would like to ask you what a life of mistrust looks like to you? And what would a life of trust look like? It is not life’s job to get you to trust it life is like the electricity the powers your home (except that it is free) you either plug into it or you don’t. Life has no judgement on whether you do or not. It will not be offended or feel resentment if you don’t. The only one that will lose out is you because a life of fear and defence is no life at all. Next week I am going to talk about how you can start to step into trusting the universe.
Have a lovely week and so much love from me to you.
19/11/2020 1 Comment
Transforming Your Shadow Self
A long time ago I read a book by Debbie Ford called “The Shadow Effect” it was quite amazing because it was about bringing the parts of ourselves that we don't really want anyone to see to light.
What I want to share with you today is how to own those parts of yourself because if you don't own them then they tend to own you. Our traits are neither good nor bad except when they have control of you. If you don't own those traits those parts of yourself that you are ashamed of, feel guilty about, or are embarrassed about then they have the power to run you when you are at your most vulnerable. When you own these parts of yourself and you learn how to see the beauty in them and you realise that you can use them appropriately then they become a gift.
When I read Debbie’s book I did some of this work on myself and I am going to share a few examples of some of my shadows that I transformed so that you might start to see how it is done and why this might be of benefit to you.
Inconsistency (I actually spoke about this a few weeks ago)
Inconsistency is something that I have seen as a real fault of mine and in fact somebody I went out with years ago berated me about it and said that I needed to be more consistent in my life. As I said above it is not about making any aspect of yourself wrong it's about finding the gift that they have for you. In regards to my inconsistency;
- It has meant that my life is exciting and vibrant.
- I am endlessly curious and eager to learn and because I am inconsistent I am always getting myself into situations which bring new things into my life and make it rich and full.
- I have learnt balance through my inconsistency and to be gentle with myself. As otherwise I can run away with myself and become exhausted.
- I have been able to acheive enormous growth in my life as I am constantly facing new challenges and because I do not stay in my comfort Zone.
- I have also managed to acheive more than I could ever dream of because I was not limited by the direct rout.
I am an inconsistent person at heart but I use it to enrich my life rather than allow it to take over my life.
If you speak to my family they will attest to my stubbornness. This is also something one of my sons has in common with me and it is something that we have bashed heads because of a number of times. For me my stubbornness is a way to defend the truth of who I am. I have very opinionated and strong personalities in my family and in exploring my stubbornness I realised that the positive side of it was that it gave me a way to protect myself and to ensure I stuck to my own path in life. It gave me the courage and determination to forge ahead with what I wanted irrespective of what others might think. However on the negative side if I allow it to run me (when I react to a trigger unconsciously) instead of me running it I can be stubborn for the wrong reasons. I can stick to wrong opinions or wrong paths just out of stubbornness and cause pain to others. For me being stubborn is a wonderful asset as long as I am aware of it and I use it in alignment with myself. As long as I use it when I am speaking my truth and I am doing what's right for me. It doesn't work for me when I let it run me and when it actually takes me away from the truth about who I am and what I want to do.
The last one I am going to share with you is that I am a recovering people pleaser. I hold my hand up and I own it. This particular behaviour has caused me a lot of pain in life. I have taken on the responsibility of other people's happiness from time to time. And if you are anywhere along the personal development pathway you will realise that trying to please somebody else is a thankless task. You cannot take on the responsibility for somebody else's happiness because
a) it makes them a victim and it makes them powerless and
b) you get blamed every time that they are not happy
However being a people pleaser means that I have learnt how to read people and understand them and their needs which means that in my line of work I am able to really help them find their own happiness. I have to still be very carful to not take responsibility for other peoples happiness but I can support and challenge them to find it by believing in them.
This is by no means a full list of all the things that I believe are negative in myself but I wanted to share a few so that you can start to see how you can take a negative and find the positive.
If you are not sure what your faults are there is a very simple method to find out. Observe what triggers you when someone accuses you of it. For example if somebody had accused me of being impulsive or being inconsistent (and I hadn’t integrated or accepted that part of myself) I would have become defensive. Anytime you feel sensitive about some aspect of who you are this is a part that you have not fully accepted. In fact in one of my previous relationships (and I know I have mentioned this before) my partner used to call me pathetic. It really upset me until I realised that being pathetic meant I was able to ask for help, it made me humble and allowed me to relate to other people, it also taught me to surrender and let go. I have always been someone who tried to be strong so being called pathetic was the worst criticism. However once I looked for the good in it I saw it as a balance and an antidote to having to be strong. Now if someone calls me pathetic I just find it funny.
Once you have identified the aspects of yourself that you are not entirely comfortable with then you need to sit with them and work with them until you can find out how being this way serves you. Looking back on what I have told you, you will see that I have taken things I did not like about myself and found how they serve and why I would want to have them as part of me. Shadow work is not about cutting out parts of who you are but looking at them differently to see how they can actually serve you.
There is a power in owning every part of who you are. There is a strength and a wholeness and a unity in owning those parts of you that cause you discomfort and they no longer have power over you when you own them. When you own them you become whole you become more complete and more grounded and more present. When you are fractured your energy is everywhere and you will find you easily get triggered by other people.
So much love from me to you
The UK has just gone into their second lockdown and it moved me to want to share something that I know about reality and illusion. You might not live in the UK however what I am going to share with you is applicable for anyone who wants to change their mindset in challenging times.
I will be speaking directly into the experience of lockdown however as I have said if you find that there are circumstances in your life that you are at odds with, unhappy about, cross, or upset with you can apply what I am going to share with you. I am only focusing on lockdown because the same cause will be effecting a huge group of people.
People will be worried about their work and income. They might have uncomfortable living arrangements or have flat mates or neighbours that upset them. And obviously people will be worried about their health and about catching the virus. These are just some of the things that could be stressing you and what is stressing you might not be on this list but it still counts.
I imagine that whatever is upsetting you will be triggering a lot of negative thoughts, emotions and a lot of resistance within you. You might find the need to share your thoughts with others and you might find when you do this that your feelings what ever they are (upset, angry, resistant) increase even more.
However I would like to share the concept of reality and illusion with you. You might find that what I am going to share with you might trigger you as well but please read to the end and take some times to really hear it.
Reality - This is what is. It is the irrefutable truth of a situation. Such as the UK has gone into it’s second lockdown, pine trees are not deciduous, the UK is smaller than the USA. Reality is the facts.
Illusion - Is what you think about the reality. In regards to the UK lockdown you might be upset about it, you might think that the government are incompetent, you might be quite happy about it, but none of this changes what is - the UK has gone into it’s 2nd lockdown. In regards to the pine tree you might love that they always look green or you might hate the resin that they drop and again none of this stops them for being exactly what they are.
Anything that comes after - Should, shouldn’t, must, mustn’t, but because and why all leads you into your illusion that your opinion can change reality.
As humans we tend to think that how we feel about a situation matters but in reality it does not. What I mean by this is that how you feel about a situation does not change that situation. That is not to say that you shouldn't be allowed an opinion. However quite often we get so attached to our opinions and we work them over and over in our heads becoming really agitated by the overthinking of a situation.
For instance the lockdown in the UK is a reality it is happening. How you feel about it does not change that it is happening. You might think that how you think and feel about something is incredibly important and you might be very attached and involved with how you feel but ask yourself something do you feel good when you think and feel this thing or do you feel anxious and unhappy? And has how you feel changed the reality? I am pretty certain it hasn’t.
I have got something completely abstract to share with you which I normally share with my clients in regard to this topic.The reality is that the moon is a creamy yellowish colour (this might not be the exact colour for any astronomers out there but for the sake of this blog that is the colour). Now let's pretend that you are not happy with the colour of the moon. You think it should be bright pink with purple spots or something like that. And every time you look at the moon you get really upset and agitated that it's not the colour you think it should be. Your thinking it should be different does not change what the moon is. The moon will not change it’s colour due to your thoughts about it just like the government of the UK will not open up the UK just because you are unhappy with the lockdown. The more you fight either of these realities there is only one outcome you will feel more unhappy, anxious, hurt and angry. As Byron Katie say - “When you argue with reality you lose only 100% of the time.”
However if what I have said has made you very uncomfortable there is some relief. There is a process to be able to deal with reality when it sits at odds with what you want;
I hope that you've enjoyed this little blog and I hope that if you are in lockdown in the UK and you've been upset about this that this might help you during that time. I also hope that if you're not necessarily going into lockdown but you have something in life that you've been agitating over it gives you some clarity on how to address the problem and how to start asking yourself - “what can I do about it?”
Have a fabulous week and so much love from me to you
I am going to be writing about consistency and inconsistency and the reason I am writing about this is because this is something that has plagued me for quite a long time. I have been thinking about it recently and I am going to share what I have learned in the hopes that maybe something of what I am sharing will help you in your life too.
I tend to be a fairly inconsistent person. I have lots and lots of ideas which make me excited and energised. I then tend to expend lots of energy and if I am not carful I can then become overwhelmed and depleted. This means that my life has generally gone up and down in a of wave like fashion. I tend to feel very energised and am very active and creative and then I go through periods of reflection and relative calm. One of the things that made me aware of this rhythm was creating these blogs/podcasts and YouTube videos. Originally I tried to do them on a weekly basis but as I do them from the heart I found that I was not always in the right space and in the right energy. I found this very frustrating because I knew that there were advantages of being consistent - being consistent builds trust and dependability. It allows people to believe in you if you show up consistently. When I first started doing this about 4 to 5 years ago I knew that I wasn't doing this. I was quite hard on myself about this for a while until I realised that these were the positive things about consistency but that there were also downsides. Being too consistent can be boring, it can feel slightly stagnant and predictability can turn people off because nothing interesting happening. After pondering this I started to think about inconsistency differently. Inconsistency is where I tend to lean towards. The positives of inconsistency is that it is exciting, vibrant and interesting. The down sides are that it gives the impression of being flaky, unreliable and uncertain.
What I have realised through pondering all of this over the last few weeks is that it's not about being consistent or being inconsistent it is about learning to balance the two. For me in doing this and through doing these blogs for you I have realised that when I am full of energy and I am feeling creative I can make multiple blogs/podcasts and videos. Then when I am in a more reflective mood I do not feel pressured to perform and I can use my time for pondering, reading, connecting and allowing space for inspiration. If I work with my natural flow and allow myself to surf the waves of energy then I am able to be both consistent and inconsistent which allows me to honour myself and to honour you too.
If I was to force myself to be consistent and to do this every single week at a certain time I would feel very constrained and even writing about this makes me feel like my chest is tightening. I feel slightly suffocated and slightly hemmed in. I am sharing this with you because I think it is about balance. It is learning to be consistent but in a way that validates your natural rhythm as a person. As I was writing about all that I wanted to share with you it became very obvious that this talks directly into Tony Robbins’s human needs that I talked about in 1 Trick To Overcome Your Ego. The first two that he shares which are;
and the ability to balance these within our lives. Normally when Tony talks about these he is talking about our need to have these met by external circumstances. What I have realised in writing all of this is that it is not just our need to have our external circumstances meet our needs but it's actually what we need within ourselves. Let me explain - I have a need for certainty/consistency this means that I need to know that I am going to wake up tomorrow morning and be able to survive in this world. That I will have food and shelter and I will be able to survive in it, but I also have a need for variety. As I said before if there is too much certainty life becomes boring it becomes stagnant it loses its vibrancy it loses its aliveness. However if I have too much variety and too much uncertainty then I would most likely become incredibly stressed because I wouldn’t know how I would be able survive. What Tony Robbins was saying in regards to this is about external circumstances meeting our internal needs, but what I am sharing with you is that who we are is either consistent or inconsistent and we need to find balance within ourselves. We need to know our natural rhythm to know if we are more consistent and steadfast in which case we need to balance that with a bit of variety and a bit of excitement or whether like me you tend to towards inconsistency and this can cause life to be a little too exciting in which case there needs to be a little bit more consistency. The trick is to balance it so that you feel alive and not controlled or too out of control so that life is scary.
Have a fabulous week with so much love from me to you
5/11/2020 1 Comment
4 Keys For Making A Leap Of Faith
In my life I have made quite a few leaps of faith. Looking back on my life when I was thinking about writing this blog I realised I have made lots and lots of leaps of faith through my life. All of the times when I made one my life took a different direction and a massive leap forwards. I do not regret even one of these decisions even though at times the going was not always easy. I hope in this blog to share what I have learnt so that you need not have as bumpy landing as I did from time to time.
The first time I can remember taking a leap of faith was when I was 20. I decided to move to Cape Town for a year to study stable management. I left the guy I had been in a relationship with for 2 years packed my bags and set off. Although I had lived there from the age of 6-12 I no longer knew anyone. I lived in a little cottage on the Cape Flats with very little money. I was advised to get a dog as otherwise I might get raped on the way to work. My cat and dog ate better than I did, I had to hand wash all my clothes, and I could only afford to go out once a month. I started work at 6am and finished at 7pm. I came home ate and then studied till 10pm every night. I had no TV and only had an old tape recorder with 1 tape. Yet in spite of all of this I was blissfully happy. I got to do what I loved all day long. My dog came to work with me and was my best friend. And it has been an experience that has helped me through many tough times. It taught me that I could be happy anywhere and that my happiness did not depend on my external circumstances but rather on who I was being and what I was doing.
Since then I have made quite massive leaps of faith every few years or so. I did it when I met my future husband. He was in Botswana on holiday when we met (I was living there at the time). We spent a 2 weeks together before he had to go back. He then came back 6 weeks later for Valentines Day to surprise me and we spent another week together. In March I packed up everything I owned and moved to the UK to love with him. Although it did finally end in divorce we were together for 9 years and had 2 kids and I now call him my dark angel because if it hadn’t been for the experiences I had with him I would not be doing what I do now.
I took another leap of faith when I left him (my then husband). I was a stay at home mum looking after our two very young kids and I realised I needed to earn money. I had never run a business before, I had worked in businesses but I had never run my own, but I didn’t let that stop me. Through some synchronistic events I was asked by a wine agency in Cape Town if I would like to import their wines and distribute them around Botswana. I told them that I would be working from home (one of the non negotiable’s I had decided on regarding the type of work I wanted to do) and that I would store the wine in my double garage. What I find hard to believe now is that they accepted. For those of you living in South Africa or even Botswana the wines were well known brands - Alto Rouge, Durbanville Hills, Allesverloren Port, and Hill & Dale to name a few. What I learnt from this is incalculable but I think my proudest moment was when my accountant (a very dry critical man) looked over my books and said this is a proper business Britt.
I did it again when I left the wine business I had created and became a Consciousness Coach. I remember when I started to train it was as if there was no decision to make. I knew that coaching was what I was meant to be doing with my life and anything else would require me to die a little.
All of these about turn changes have meant that I have a vast experience of taking leaps of faith. Sometimes they have been smooth and everything has fallen magically into place and other times it has been incredibly bumpy and quite scary. Even when the transitions were easy there was still a very steep learning curve and this in itself was always challenging. As I have said I don't regret any of my leaps of faith because they have shifted my life in ways that would never have happened if I had carried on the path that I had been going along. And I love my life and what I do and where I am. I think these leaps of faith have added a richness to my life and ensured that I stretched myself and grew more than I thought I could.
If you are contemplating a leap of faith, a major change, or there is something that is bubbling that you are scared of and you don't know whether you should do something about it or not. I am going to share four things that you should keep in mind while you are contemplating it that will hopefully help you transition more smoothly than I have done in some of my leaps of faith.
Wishing you every success with any changes you are thinking of making. So much love from me to you BrittTanya
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