How to leave the negative stuff behind you
As I reflect back on this year (it has been both incredibly though for me and out of this world amazing) there are “things” (learnings, understandings, experiences, and memories) that I would like to take with me into the new year. To build on and also to be grateful for. There are also “things” (hurts, frustrations, disappointments and heaviness) that I do not want to bring with me. I think one of the things that really ages us is our inability to let these negative things go. Instead we try to bury them or ignore them but they never quite disappear completely leaving us will a little less energy and vitality every year.
The consciousness tool I am going to share with you today will show you how to complete the negative things so that you can move lightly and joyfully into the New Year with more possibilities than limitations.
It can be hard to know how to handle the negative things that happen to us in life. There is no lesson at school teaching us how to handle breakups, unexpected side swipes, angry people, or other mishaps. And how we handle them will differ with each of us and with each situation. Somethings will be resolved without much thought whilst other things just seem to never quite leave you.
To be able to complete your year I first will have to show you how to recognise an incompletion and it is quite simple really;
Incompletions live in our minds and our thoughts. They are like caged animals restlessly moving around in our minds. You do not have to go looking for incompletions. All you need to do is find some quite time. You could go for a walk, or run, sit in a park or in our lounge (with all your gadgets off) and then just observe your thoughts. Where do they go? What are they worrying about or what are they working on? The way our minds work is that if something is incomplete it will automatically try to resolve it. If you think back to a time when you had an argument with someone, what happened to your thoughts after the argument? I know mine rework what I said in 100 different ways and then play out - “if I said this then that would have happened, and if I then said then this would have happened.” This hyper thinking is because you are experiencing an incompletion. Not all incompletions trigger this level of hyper thinking but if you take time to observe you will be able to see what your mind is trying to work on and then you can complete it and free yourself.
Completing - Completing these incompletions is a 3 step process
1st - Awareness
If you are not aware of your incompletion/s you will not be able to do anything about them. So use the exercise above and take some time out to observe your thoughts. Use your phone or a note pad to jot down what has been playing on your mind. Make a list.
2nd - Decision
Once you know what your incompletions are the next step is to make a decision about them. Ultimately an incompletion is a decision you have put off making. There are a few things to keep in mind when making your decisions.
a) A decision does not have to be made to take action immediately. For instance if you are in a relationship that is not 100% I am not suggesting you ditch it and move on. However you can still make a decision. You might decide to make the final decision in 3 months time after you have tried a couple of initiatives to create the relationship you really want. So this decision will be a decision to make a decision at a later specified date.
b) When making decisions it is more empowering to make them when thinking about what you want to create rather than in reaction. When we make decisions and take action from a place of reaction we end up creating the very thing that we fear. Instead ask yourself “what would I really like the outcome to be?” and then ask yourself “what decision could I make that would take me towards what I want?”. This will give you empowering decisions that will take your life in the direction you want it to go in.
3rd - Let it go
When you have made your decision you can let the incompletion go. Sometimes this can seem easier said than done and your mind might have become used to working over a particular challenge. It is impossible to get your mind not to think about something because by the very nature of instructing it not to think of something it is then thinking of it. For instance if I said don’t think about a purple spotted elephant - you are not thinking of a purple spotted elephant. However you can refocus it. Instead of letting your mind worry over your incompletion decide what you would like once you have moved past your incompletion and when you find yourself worrying over your incompletion make the choice to refocus on your desired outcome or even something completely different. I love the saying let go and let God. You can choose the god of your understanding but when I do this I feel like I am passing my troubles up and when I have done this I have often found that the answer can come to me from any where… a conversation with a friend or colleague, an article I am reading or a program I am watching. I don’t know how it works but i do know that it does work.
Negative draining incompletions are not the only incompletions we can have. We can also have positive creative incompletions. This is when you have just started something in your life or a new project. It is something that it at the beginning of its creation and you might think about it a lot but it is exciting and joyous. You could use one of these to focus on once you let go of your negative incompletion.
I am doing a few webinars and short courses as well as sharing more consciousness tools. If you want to stay in the loop remember to stay connected.
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Wishing you a fabulous festive season and a wondrous New Year.
I was struck recently by the passion of people towards an event that did not involve them. It was the news that Ronaldo was being accused of rape. I was in the car with a couple of people and they started talking about this incident. They are ardent football supporters and Ronaldo is a particular hero of theirs. Needless to say they took his side with determined loyalty. What interested me was that without ever having met him they were so sure of his innocence and of Ronaldo’s accusers malicious intent. Needless to say they were then dragged into a conversation about reality and illusion.
I call our opinions illusions because we tend to think that what we believe about something really matters. In the course of this article you might begin to see that it doesn’t at least when you are trying to change reality.
This conversation made me think how often in life we think that our opinions are the truth. That the truth is the truth because we wish it so, but there are two things to remember about indulging in our opinions (illusions);
1, It doesn’t matter how strong your opinions are they can never change reality. Reality is and nothing you think about it
will change it.
Lets look at the above example - Does how my friends think about the Ronaldo’s rape accusation change the reality that someone has accused Ronaldo of rape? No, no matter how passionately they believe and argue that Ronaldo has been wrongly accused it does not change the reality that he has been accused.
Lets pick another example - Donald Trump - one of the most controversial people alive today. Love him or hate him your emotions are all based upon opinion. The fact is that what you think of him does not change anything. Does how you feel stop him from being President of the USA? No. Does whether you think he is right or wrong in his actions change what he does? No. If you are able to feel/sense or picture this situation how does it make you feel energetically? For me it makes me feel tight, anxious, enraged, and ultimately powerless. Not a pleasant experience and one (should I be fixed on my opinion) I would have created entirely on my own.
2, When you form an opinion you make yourself right and then automatically someone else needs to be wrong. When
you think you are right and someone else thinks you are wrong this leads to a need to defend your position. All conflict
in life comes from this, our need to be right.
Imagine how different things would be if we were to look at the reality of a situation without the need to make it right or wrong. Lets take the Ronaldo incident again. What were the facts? Someone has accused Ronaldo of rape. Other than this there are no facts that we were aware of. So what is to be done. If we were to accept reality we would not get emotionally invested in the event. To accept that we know nothing of the details or of the people and to allow the courts and police to get on with evaluating the evidence. The event would pass without much notice and we would all get on with living our lives. The people involved would go through their experience without the added pressure from all sorts of people all around the world judging them and making a tragic situation even more tragic.
Taking the Trump example if we were to resist the urge to make him right or wrong how would this change your interaction with the situation? Would you feel the way you did initially? Or would you feel calmer and more centred?
When we are emotionally charged (like we are when we are opinionated) we lose access to our higher thinking and are more likely to be rash. This is a physiological reaction to stress and when we feel over emotional about a situation we become stressed. The way we are created when our body experiences stress it goes into survival mode. In survival mode there is no need to think of philosophical outcomes and our brain redirects our processing to our more base animal survival reactions such as fight, flight or freeze.
When we are in a calmer place (acceptance) we are able to make more impactful choices that will take us towards an end result that we really want rather than a reaction based action that would lead to the opposite.
Our thoughts about a situation can never change a situation the only thing that changes reality is ACTION.
If the example with Ronaldo is upsetting for you, you can choose to do something about this by either working with men to find a way that positively empowers them in this new world or work with woman who have been sexually abused to support them past this.
In the Trump example you could march in protest, start a career in developing conscious leadership so that there are more conscious leaders to choose from in the future and so on, by the way although Donald Trump was not around when I started my career there were enough ego driven leaders to inspire me to do something about it.
I am not saying you have to take these particular actions but if you brainstorm you will be able to come up with some that feel right to you. Taking action does not change what has happened but it can energise your actions going forwards and help you create a future you would want to be a part of.
This is only one step in creating greater self empowerment if you want to hear a few more join me on Tuesday the 4th of December at 12.00 midday. If you can’t make it sign up anyway and I will send you a recording. Just email me by clicking here CLICK and I will send you the link to sign on with.
Freedom from your programs
This is a big one! What would be possible if you did not doubt yourself?
A large number my clients have listed this as one of the goals they want to achieve and oddly enough this is normally the one thing that prevents you from achieving your goals.
Before I go into how to get over self-doubt you need to know a little more about it.
The very good news that nearly every person on the planet has suffered from self-doubt and the only ones not to are psychopaths. The fact that you are interested enough to be reading this is a good indication that you are not a psychopath.☺
So why do you have self-doubt when all it really does is stop you from achieving things that you want to achieve? If you have been following any of my blogs you will have read about the conscious and unconscious minds and how your experience of reality is made up of the combination of these two parts of you. They do not play an equal part though as your unconscious mind contributes at least 95% to how you experience reality and your conscious mind only 5%. Your unconscious mind is very important as it directs and gives the instructions for your heart to beat, your lungs to breathing and maintains all of the bodies functions that it would be impossible for you to run manually.
It also interprets all of the information coming in from your senses all of the time. It compares them to data it has already collected to assess whether they are dangerous or pleasurable. Anyone who has had young children will know that they don’t automatically know that some things are hot and can burn them. It normally takes one experience for them to develop a program that stops them from touching hot things again. How these programs work is that once they are triggered by the information coming in from your senses such as heat or steam this activates one of your programs which will send thoughts which activate feelings which in turn cause you to respond in a certain way. If you have ever tried to do something you are afraid of you will know how hard it is to act against your feelings and yet all they are -is feelings! For instance I will assume that you have at some point burnt yourself and developed the program to prevent this from happening again. So if you were to decide that you wanted to walk on hot coals (as some people do), the only thing stopping you would be your thoughts and feelings; and believe you me getting past these is tough! This is how powerful your subconscious mind is at controlling your experiences of life. You have 1000’s of these programs that control how you interact with others, how you communicate, whether you are outgoing or introverted, self-confident or not.
I am telling you all of this because this is where self-doubt comes in. When you experience self-doubt you are doing something that you have either never done before or something that you have not managed to do before. Your subconscious mind accesses its database of everything you have ever experienced and either says “Uh Oh we have no data -this could be a potentially life threatening or humiliating situation let’s put on the brakes and activate the self-doubt” or it will say “Ah Ha the data is not looking good we did this before and it didn’t work. Going on the data it won’t work again. This situation could be problematic lets activate self-doubt.”
I think it is so very important to know that self-doubt is not based on facts it is based on the past or on lack of information and it is something that most of us feel a lot of the time when we are pushing boundaries and growing.
This is why fear contracts your life because if you give in to self-doubt and fear you will stop pushing the boundaries and your life will become less because of it. However if you choose to see fear and self-doubt for what they are - just programs - you can then choose to live your life to the full.
But... If you are anything like me you still want to know, HOW to get past self-doubt. You may want a magic pill but unfortunately I can't offer you that. I can however share with you the way I do know - and that is;
To move past self doubt you need to build up positive information in your subconscious that supports you rather than limits you. The exercise I am going to share with you I use with every single client I have and it is very simple but has to be acted on over and over again to really have impact.
This little process I have described is why coaching is so very successful, because you are checking in with someone else every week there is more motivation to ensure you keep your word to yourself and before you know it you have turned your life around and cant imagine WHY you were so concerned in the first place!
I would like to share an example with you. I am dyslexic and as you can imagine writing does not come naturally to me. It has taken me years to get to this place where I can sit down and rattle off an article without putting it off and finding something else to do. I did not find this easy but did keep setting myself challenges and did keep stepping forwards. Now I am fairly confident in my ability to write my thoughts down. I do still make the odd mistake (especially when it comes to punctuation!) but I no longer feel that my life is limited my by dyslexia. ☺
Wishing you a wonderful week and hoping that you find the freedom that comes from believing in yourself.
This is a strategy that I came up with around 3 years ago. I love simplicity and finding patterns to create short cuts in life. Having coached 100’s of people I decided to find a strategy that would help anyone with any challenge they were facing and allow them to acheive success. This is what I came up with.
Everything in life is created with the same process;
Thought - Emotion - Action
You can look around your environment right now. Look at what you are sitting on, what you are holding, wearing and in fact you yourself were created using this process. First your parents thought they would like to connect, they then felt emotions that caused the action of connecting intimately and then 9 months or so later you were born. The seat you are sitting on or the shoes that you are wearing were also created in this manner. Someone had an idea (thought), felt (emotion) it would be a good idea to create it and then created it (action).
Most things we create in life we do so unconsciously, most of us have not mastered our thoughts and emotions and therefor our actions come from this unconscious space. You only need to look into where you are struggling in your own life to know that you would not have don’t this to yourself consciously. There for you must have created it unconsciously. This strategy will support you in creating consciously so that you can overcome the unconscious thoughts and emotions that can so often derail you and I.
Know the solution you want
I have been struggling with my own very intense challenges in the last few months and it has given me the opportunity to trial this strategy first hand. I found that the strategy held firm but that I needed to master a deeper understanding of a few of the steps. Below I have elaborated on one of these subtleties as it pertains to point 8.
8. Step into the emotion of having achieved the result
This step is the one I have been focused on the most in the last month. I have realised that it is one of the most important steps if not the most important one. When you try to create from fear or lack you will only create more fear and lack. It is absolutely vital to be able to step into the feelings you wish to have even if you only do it for a few moments each day. There is so much to explain around this that I cant get it all down here. However the below explanation will get you started…
We are brought up to place great value in doing things and whilst doing in incredibly important who we are “Being” whilst we are doing is even more important. The strategy above encourages action and it is important, but for your actions to take you where you want to go you will need to be able to change your state from, lack and fear to, having already achieved it. Let me explain by referencing the example of creation I gave you at the beginning of the blog.
Most people try to acheive success by following the process of creation in this order;
1. Action - Emotion - Thought
With example 2 the order the process is followed is slightly different;
2. Thought - Emotion - Action
Here is a more visual explanation;
Example 1 (the one below) Doing Success - Exhausting, defeating, overwhelming, uncertain
Example 2 (above) Being Success - Joy, ease, fulfilment, certainty,
In example 1, success is somewhere outside of yourself somewhere you need to get to and you need to take the right action to get you there. Your achieving success is dependent on external circumstances and other people allowing you to be successful.
In example 2, who you are “Being” creates success and all action takes you there, because it is already where you are. Your achieving success is totally dependent on you and no one and nothing else.
I hope that this will help you to step into a positive and glorious 2018 where the only limitations on your success are due to you not having imagined it yet.
Best wishes and lots of love
How To Create A Flow Of Abundance
I have taken time to specifically focus on gratitude, I have joined gratitude groups where we check in and say what we are grateful for, and I have read about how important gratitude is for a consciously aware life - I thought I understood it. However, I didn’t really get it until this morning…
I went out for my usual run/walk/ponder today, I run because it helps me be in my body and connect with all that is around me. It is my time in the day to centre myself and connect with all that is. Somedays it is easier to do this than on other days and today was one of the tricky ones. I really struggled to get out of my head. I have a lot of things going on and a lot to worry about, but I also know that this incessant worrying is not good for me and will not take me where I want to go. I am aware that it is my automated, ego driven, safety mechanism but this was not helping me to step out of it and really enjoy the gorgeous day around me.
As I turned to come home a little thought popped into my head - that I should take a moment and sit under the big old oak tree, (a particular favourite of mine due to the comfy stones strewn around beneath it). I nearly dismissed it as it was only a very little thought. It was only after a fairly intense conversation in my head debating if I should listen to this little thought - it might not really be anything, was I being reminded to take a moment or was it just preconditioning as I often stop and sit under this gorgeous tree. I really had a lot to do today and getting home earlier would mean more time to do it all in. In the end I decided to honour this little thought and spend a few minutes in contemplation.
As I sat beneath the lovely old tree I looked up through the golden autumn leaves against the deep blue sky. These colour combinations at this time of year feel to me like the promise of the warmth of summer from a world that is stepping into winter. It took me out of my worries and troubles and brought me firmly into the present moment. I was reminded once again that being present and out of my head is such a wonderful place to be. There is so much magic in this space, simple but powerful magic. I began to feel deeply grateful for the little thought that hinted at sitting down. As I began to feel grateful I became aware of how gratitude works. I just love how following one innocent little thought can lead to such deep insights :)
As I explained earlier I have had a lot on my mind and most of my worrying was due to a lack of movement in abundance flowing into my life. I believe that everything in life is energy and for energy and abundance to flow to me it helps for me to be open to receiving it. I have generally been someone who is not that great at receiving things; compliments, money, gifts etc. It tends to make me feel guilty. I have known for a long time that I am not that good at receiving but I never knew how to change this and become good at receiving. It is one thing to know what you are doing wrong but a completely different matter to know how to resolve it.
As I continued on my run after leaving the oak tree I felt so much more connected and grateful. It was whilst feeling this immense gratitude that it came to me that gratitude is the key to receiving! When we are in a state of gratitude our heart is open, allowing the flow of universal energy to flow through us and our experience of life. With an open grateful heart all the abundance in the world can flow towards us and our experience of life.
You might have already realised this but for me this was one of those huge Ah Ha! moments. Now I know how to receive the abundance of life;
With so much love and gratitude Britt
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