Why would you look anywhere else?
There are millionaires that are unhappy and there are poor people that are very happy, there are couple that are miserable and single people who are very happy, that is not to say that the opposite is also true. It is not in the acquisition of ‘things’ or people that creates happiness, we are going to look at finding happiness within yourself.
For those of you that missed last week’s blog I spoke about how when finding happiness within yourself you need to be aware of 3 areas and to ensure that you are taking care of all of them. These areas are your body, your mind and your soul. Last week we looked at the body and this week we will be looking at how to look after your mind so that you can allow happiness into your life.
I believe that happiness is not a one size fits all and that you will have to go out and find what sets you alight so what I hope to do here is rather draw your attention to how to build your happiness, a bit like teaching you the materials to build a house are bricks, cement, wood and so on and then you can take them and create your own design.
This week we will look at the second part of the 3 steps:
To look after your mind you will need to learn how to direct your thoughts as the state of your mind is very dependent on the thoughts you think. When I first started doing this I thought it was impossible but like someone who has never run 5miles it just takes practice and before you know it you are doing it without even think about it.
There are a number of things that can cause bad thoughts;
a) Negative thinking, this is an addiction, poor me, life is hard, everything just seems to go wrong, this mind-set does not breed happiness and will make you depressed. What you are actually doing here is allowing yourself to be a victim and if this rings true for you, you will need to ask yourself this very tough question – ‘what do I get out of behaving in this way?’ At first you might resist and insist that you don’t get anything from behaving like this but I urge you to look closely you would not do something if you did not get anything out if it. Some of the things that others have gotten out of this mind-set are; attention, recognition, sympathy, connection by being able to identify with others who have experienced the same. I know all too well about the poor me state of mind as it is one that I indulged in for many years. I can promise you if it is happiness you are looking for you won’t find it in this mind-set. To be able to step out of this you will have to;
1. Acknowledge that you do this
2. Catch yourself whenever you enter a poor me phase
3. Refocus your thoughts on what is perfect at that moment
4. Refocus on things that make you happy and smile inside
At times my thoughts can take me off track but I remind myself to stop and observe and all sorts of wonders suddenly appear that I hadn’t seen in my poor me state. I notice the way the sun filters through some overhead leaves, the smile on a man’s face, the birds singing outside. Beauty and happiness are only a heartbeat away if you choose to focus on them. And this brings me to focus.
B) Focus, your brain is an amazing tool, and like most tools in the wrong hands it can be dangerous. It will focus on anything you direct it too and it will find the solution to any question you ask of it. However if you are just allowing it to pick its focus then it will choose things that threaten its survival as that is its automated program. If you have a challenge in life unless you direct it to look for solutions it will start to look for threats and it is very good at that. The same goes for questions, if for example you have a relationship challenge and you do not direct your mind it will most likely find all of the reasons why the relationship can’t work or why it will be hard or why you can’t do it. However just by asking “what needs to happen for this relationship to work” and focusing on this question you will come up with a much more positive direction. Your thoughts can either work for you or against you, it is up to you where they take you.
c) ]Buying into someone else’s reality. This is something you most likely do without even noticing. In fact we have been brought up to do this. At home your parents knew better then you, at school your teacher knew better than you and at work your boss knows better than you. We have not been taught to listen to ourselves or how to create the reality we want. More and more people are now beginning to see that this is possible from books like ‘The Secret’ by Ronda Byron and ‘The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma amongst others. To find happiness within yourself you need to learn how to create your own reality. To start with you will need to recognise when you are buying into other peoples. Here is an example - Your friend or partner might comment on how bad the driving has become and before you know it you are both caught up in a big discussion on driving and the rush people nowadays are in, (ok I know the driving example was a bit lame but I am sure you get the idea). One of the biggest realities we buy into is that our world is dangerous and there is a lot to fear. This is huge and effects people every day of their lives. Just think of the choices you make because of fear, fear you will not have enough to retire on, fear your children will not be successful because you didn’t push them or do the right things, fear that you will get ill, fear that terrorists could attack and so on. To create your own reality you will need to start to focus on how you want things to be rather than on how they appear to be.
I love the quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
To create your own happiness you will need to watch what thoughts and beliefs you allow into your mind.
Access Consciousness has a wonderful saying when someone wants you to buy into their point of view and it is, “That is an interesting point of view”. If said in the right way it is not defensive and it is not aggressive. It is also the truth as this is just someone’s point of view. If you want to know more about Access Consciousness you can follow this link - https://accessllc.infusionsoft.com/go/accessshop/BrittTanya (I am an affiliate of theirs however I would never promote something that I have not personally tired and found to be beneficial)
Can you imagine how happy you would be if you could just get on with your life without all of this fear?
d) Judgments, judgements of any kind have two negative consequences. Firstly they make you feel bad. No one really feels light or positive when they judge others. Secondly as these judgements are actually about how you judge your own life and they actually act like a cadge that you live your life within. A life without judgement is a free life as you are then able to find happiness within yourself rather than live by a set of unreasonable rules. Stepping away from judgement can be hard but making the decision to do so is the first step. Also don’t be too serious about it. I find that when I laugh at myself the struggle goes away. I know I am going to slip up from time to time but I also know that each time I realise I move forwards. I now find it funny when I catch myself, if I judge someone for being late or not getting back to me I realise that this is just another bar on my own cadge that stops me from happiness within myself.
Happiness is found in letting go rather acquiring, letting go of Judgement, negative thought, and living though someone else’s reality.
The mind is a complex thing but if you can start on these areas you will see a huge improvement. Happiness is within yourself but just reading this and not applying it will take you nowhere. I have taken this journey and am now living an imperfect life but I have what many seek and that is happiness. I have also realised that above all else helping others find their way just brings me more happiness, so if you are a bit lost and would like direction just drop me a line.
“Without knowledge action is useless and knowledge without action is futile.” - Abu Bakr
Love you loads