This topic (taking your power back) is something I wish I had known more about earlier in my life. I have always been a people pleaser and didn’t realise that I was either giving my power away to others or was taking their power from them by taking responsibility for aspects of their life. Let me explain…
… in life we tend to give our power away and we do this when we make other people responsible for things in our lives. One way to notice when you do this is to be aware of when you blame people for things in your life or when you let people make decisions for you. You can give your power away in many areas of your life. If could be that you think your parter is responsible for making you happy or making you feel loved. I could be financially, or your success at work, or your ability to do what you love. In fact it could be in any area of your life. Let me give you some examples of where I have gone wrong and given my power away in the past. I can not say I am very proud of what I am going to share with you in fact I feel decidedly uncomfortable sharing it but I hope that you will gain something from what I am going to share that might help you in your life.
I learned this the hard way, a really hard way. When we were planning to move to the UK it was quite time sensitive because I needed to get my boys into school as quickly as possible as my eldest was going in to his GCSE year. It was unlikely that our house was going to sell that quickly and my father very kindly offered to support us until the house did sell so that we could move straight away. I would then repay him when my house sold. It was an incredibly generous offer of his and I'm very grateful to him for doing that. I also relied on the maintenance I received from my ex which contributed to providing for my children. And finally I thought that I would be bale to get my business going fairly quickly. In all three cases I had given my financial power away to other parties. My father, my ex and to some as yet unknown clients. In hindsight this was a little foolish but I was under pressure to get my kids into school so I thought I was doing the right thing. What then happened was a perfect storm. The Botswana economy crashed and I was unable to sell my house for a reasonable price. My ex lost his job and just stopped paying any maintenance at all and it took me a lot longer to get set up than I thought it would. My poor father had to support us for much longer than either of us had thought he would. As you might be able to imagine this was quite a stressful time. Whilst I was in the middle of it I was focusing on doing all the things I knew were good for me and would support me thought it but because I relied on my father and my ex I was also at the mercy of their thoughts, expectations and fears. The time was stressful enough as it was but it was even more stressful as I was also dealing with their fears. In fact I think I found this the hardest part. There came a crunch point where my father rightly said he could no longer continue to support us as he had been doing and I certainly did not want to take any more money from him. We had to leave the house we were living in which we loved, sell the car and seriously downsize. We ended living above an empty shop. It was not a very nice place but we had a roof over our heads and we were together so all was well. It was from here that I started to take back my power over the finances in my life. I find this hard to write as I feel ashamed of what I let happen and I am aware that I let it happen. Neither my father or my ex were to blame. If I had not relied on them they would not have been in a position of power over my finances. The changes were not ideal but it was the right thing to do at the time because I took back my control over my life.
Tied in with all that was going on at this time was also the struggle I was facing in setting up my own business. I didn’t have a network, or contacts and was starting very much from scratch. I remember my father at one point telling me that I should just get a proper job. I did contemplate this but for me this felt like a part of me would have to die I love my work, I love it so much, I love my coaching, I love working with people, I love seeing their lives transform, and magic come into them. Not to mention I had spent years learning and then building up my business in Botswana where I was very successful and to give all of that up was not something I was willing to let happen. What I realised was that I was giving away my power again. I was allowing my circumstances to dictate whether or not I was doing what I loved. It was then that I decided to do what I loved regardless of the network I had or the demand for it and that was when I started creating my podcast, courses and YouTube videos in earnest. It did not matter if anyone listened, watched or read and of them I got immense amount of joy from the creating of them and from the process of allowing inspiration. Since I started to do this my business has been growing and continues to grow.
Funnily now that I write this I am very aware that nearly every part of my life was trying to push me to step into and understand what it meant to be in my power. from this journey I have learnt that I am 100% responsible for my own happiness, for my financial security, and for every area of my life and that there is always a solution to help me move forwards.
I am not able to show up and be me and you can do the same you might have to overcome the fear of what people will think of you of of whether or not you're good enough and all of those things but those things that you think about those limiting beliefs they crush your soul they hold you small and when you drop them down just think about this beautiful flower that opens up and is able to shine and blossom in the world and being able to thrive and that's about stepping back into your power
To recap on this because it is so important - See where in your life you blame other people. Where you blame other people for your circumstances is a key indicator that you've given your power away. Remember that nobody is responsible for how you feel in life. My father and my ex weren't responsible for what I went through. I chose to let them have more power over the financial side of my life. And it was my choice to take back my power as well.
To take your power back you need to start by taking responsibility for your life. If you are feeling like your finances are out of our control what do you need to do to get back in control? If you feel unloved and that your partner is not loving enough what do you need to do to feel loved? It is not about what they need to do for you but what do you need to do for yourself. If you are not fulfilled don’t blame life find out what makes you come alive and do that.
What I want to share with you is that you are not reliant on other people for things in your life even if you think you are. I tend to take giant leaps but this can be quite stressful and you don’t need to be so drastic you could start to make little steps and slowly build on them.
Have a fabulous week and so much love form me to you.