In the last few weeks I have focused on trust and it started by exploring Einstein’s question - Do I live in a friendly or hostile universe? I then went on to share how we can go about building trust and I have shared about trusting people but there is more to trusting than just trusting people. And the original conversation was about a friendly or hostile universe and trust plays a big part in answering this question. I have had a very turbulent life and there have been times when it was very scary and uncertain. Because of this there was a time that I did not trust the universe / life / Source. I felt that life had conspired against me and that people and life in general were out to get me, but the more I have learnt and known on this journey the more I have realised that Source / the universe / life is very much like people. When you can see that all the pain is caused by hurt people hurting people and you are able to let this go then there is only love and bliss, but in regards to Source the only hurt preventing a connection is our own hurt and pain. When we are able to let that go again there is only joy and bliss and it takes trust to be able to get there.
Looking back through my life I can see that the only times that things have gone wrong in my life have been when I have been in resistance to life. When I have been scared, hurt or angry and reacted in a way that has only caused me more harm. Looking back on one of my not so happy relationships. While I was in it I really struggled with my partner he would try to control me and I would rebel. At the time I did not know what else to do to try to maintain my own sense of self but now that I am wiser I can see that my rebelling just made my partner more fearful and more controlling which caused both of us more pain. The universe was not hostile I was in resistance to it and to my partner. That is not to say I should have been meek and compliant but there are other ways to be that are not resistant and yet also hold space for your being.
When I have been in alignment and in a space of bliss or love I have been carried along by the most abundant and fabulous stream of life. If I choose not to trust the universe it is like putting on the breaks and causing resistance to the flow of my life. It makes me question everything that is happening in my life and when I do this I start to feel unsure, fearful, hurt, alone. The universe is not doing this to me it happens when I do not trust. I see Source / The Universe / Life like electricity. It does not judge you, it is not invested in what you do or do not do, it has no expectations for you at all and it is not trying to teach you a lesson or get you to do something. It is pure love, bliss and abundance and all you have to do is plug in to it. Not trusting it is unplugging and it is your choice.
When you go into defensive mode which happens any time you feel threatened by anything you think might hurt you in anyway then your energy closes off and energetically you pull back from Source and unplug yourself. Learning to trust Source is learning that even when things do not go according to how you think they should to stay open and to trust that what ever is happening is all part of your journey. I do not say this lightly as I have been through some challenging times and in my most pivotal relationship which was the most challenging for me at the time I would not have been able to tell you what the purpose of it was but now looking back it was only because of this relationship that I am not doing what I love. I call that partner my dark angel because he was the one that got me on to this path. I know it is not always easy to trust but this is why it takes trust. trust. If you knew the outcome for certain you would not need trust as you would have certainty. Trust is only needed when you do not know or can not see on your own.
One of the hardest things to navigate is when things do not turn out how you think they should even when you think you are in flow. This foxed me for quite some time until I realised that these expectations were not coming from my truth but from my ego. They were things that I thought would take me towards pleasure or away from what I perceived to be pain. They came from my subconscious and my survival instincts and not from my truth. My truth does not care what house I live in, it does not care what car I drive or what I acheive in life. When you are able to connect to your truth you will know that it is eternal and noting can ever hurt or harm it in any way. Connecting to it allows you to realise that nothing can make you more or less than you always have been. And when you realise this you can let go of the expectations in life and start to live life as if it is an adventure. Allowing life to flow you rather than trying to be in flow. And this is where trust comes in because you might not always know where you are going or where what you are doing will lead you but if you use your guidance systems of intuition and inspiration you will know when you are pointing in the right direction.
I choose to trust the universe even when I am not sure where I am going or how things will end up. I do not always manage to trust the universe as much as I would like but it is a work in progress and I am learning to trust more and more. I know when I trust life lifts me up and carries me along and when I do not trust I struggle and flounder. It is not Source but me.