Dow do your judgements trap you?
Judgement, something we all do, yet we all hate at the same time. Judging another does not feel good and being judged by another feels even worse. I am going to give you some insightful perspectives on judgment and what you can learn from what you judge.
Your judgements are actually a reflection of what you judge in yourself.
What we judge in others is actually what we are struggling with ourselves. So if you judge others as being messy it is because it is something you are very critical of in yourself. Either you are not very tidy or you are but it takes a lot of effort and deep down you are afraid of losing control to the mess. Judgment is often only an opinion and as such it is not reality. It is simply your way of looking at the world through the programming and beliefs built up from parents, schools, society and experiences you have had in your life. You can feel that your opinion is so important that it is almost law, and the frustration and anger you can feel when someone else does not value your opinion can be intense.
Your judgements imprison you
Just recently I realised that our judgments actually keep us imprisoned in our life. For instance if you believe that being a bad person is detrimental ,you will most likely have judged other people for being bad in whatever way you think fits your interpretation of bad. It could be adultery, excessive drinking, and rudeness and so on. However, life has a way of challenging us and we can be thrown into the very situations we have judged others on. If you have these judgements they will affect the choices you make and when these choices come from a fear of your own judgments they will entrap you. For example let’s say you disagree with divorce, maybe you have criticised others for getting divorced so when your relationship starts to deteriorate you will think ‘but I am not one of those people’ and then hold onto the bad relationship ,hurting yourself and others in the process -just so you don’t have to be one of “those people.” Imagine that there was no judgment; you would then be free to act in a way that felt good for you or that felt light for you. Suddenly the options you have in a certain situation expand and your life opens up.
What you think others are judging in you is the truth.
I love this one as your ego will start to get very agitated when you can see this clearly!
I have found that we live in a cage of what we think others are judging in us. I have seen women who in their youth were stunning but as age crept up and changed their bodies have struggled to go out and socialise due to how they think other women will judge them. What we think others are thinking of us imprisons us. It limits us and it enforces boundaries on our lives. Ironically we are actually the ones imprisoning ourselves as it is the things we think others are thinking of us and not what they actually are that limits us.
No one is ever judging you except yourself. Well, they might be but you will only care about it when it relates to your own judgments. When you believe that someone is judging you, you will then display the very thing you fear being judged about. Let me explain. Let us say you fear that people think you are not clever enough. You will react in one of two ways. You will either go all out to prove that you are clever or you will retreat into defence. To prove that you are indeed clever enough and prove them wrong you might leap into the conversation speaking forcefully on the topic being discussed, however, knowing little about it, you will say things that don’t make sense or aren’t true therefore proving yourself to not be very clever. If you go into defence mode you will withdraw yourself from the conversation adding nothing and leaving people thinking that you are stupid and you will feel even more stupid. Once you can see that what you believe others are thinking about you is actually what you fear they are thinking of you, you can deal with the fear. In the example above if you are afraid of not being clever, ask yourself: where are you clever? It might not be in the area under discussion but I am positive there will be an area in your life where you are definitely an expert. So let this one go no one is ever an expert in every area. I know a lot about consciousness but know little about technology. I know I would look very stupid if I tried to pretend I knew what I was talking about in such a conversation. Sometimes we do better to keep quiet and ask questions to learn, the people you are with will also feel appreciated if ask them about their field of expertise. I know I love to be asked about consciousness.
The way out of judgment
The way out of judgment is just to be aware that judgments are not coming from outside in, they start on the inside and are reflected back at you. I love using this example with clients -if you call a thin person fat they will look at you like there is something wrong with you. However if you call a fat person fat then they will be deeply hurt by it. This is because they believe it to be true. So it is never about what others say or do it is about what you believe to be true and how that affects you.
With love Britt