All of us are in relationships whether they are romantic, friendship, social, work, virtual or family relationships. And family relationships are the best ones to practice what I am going to share with you as you have got so many patterns and triggers with family and when you start using what I am going to share with you so that you can navigate what to do when communication breaks down.
When you think of communication you might think of speech or even written communication but communication is something that comes from who you are Being. You do it with your body (gestures and stance), with your energy, the tone of your voice, your interest and you do it through the words that you say. However the words that you say are not always heard and the reason for that is that whatever emotion and energy is going on behind your words you project onto the other person. And depending on what state you are in when you are communicating the person you are communicating with might respond to the energy rather than the words that you are saying. This is particularly noticeable when you're having an argument with somebody and you're trying to say something but you are over emotional. What the other person will most likely pick up on is the agitation in you rather than the words that you’re saying.
So with this in mind the first step of conscious communication is
One final point is that if the incident was because the other person was highly emotional remember what I said above about how what you are experiencing is your stuff. That also goes for what someone else is experiencing. Realise that what they are experiencing is theirs. You do not need to buy into their anger, hurt, or frustration. They will want you to because there is a false sense of relief in blaming someone else. When this happens
The more you are able to hold a genuinely loving and understanding space when they are experiencing whatever they are experiencing the more likely you will be able to connect with them and have a conscious constructive conversation. Sometimes they don’t need anything from you just for you to understand how they feel and by sharing what you can see this can sometimes be enough. It is important to be in a space of deep listening, not listening to answer, combat or to put in a quick quip but listening from understanding. Understanding where their pain is coming from that can de-energise de-emotionalise what is going on
I hope you find some useful ideas in this weeks blog on what to do when communication breaks down and I would love to know how you get on with the tools.
So much love from me to you.