Where are you tolerating behaviour that is wearing you down?
Yesterday I am sad to say I exploded at my children in the car on the way to school. When I say exploded I mean totally lost it. Luckily this doesn’t happen very often, and when it does it is a very rude awakening for all of us. After I had dropped them off I did some serious thinking, I really don’t like the feeling of behaving like this even if it does feel like I have let off some serious steam. It was in the realisation that I had let off some serious steam that I understood what had happened. I have been unhappy about the mess they make in the lounge on weekends, that they make food and eat in there, and that they don’t tidy up unless I nag them incessantly. I was just exhausted from constantly chasing them to do things that I see as normal responsibilities for people living together. It had worn me down until yesterday when their dawdling after I specifically asked them to be ready on time as I had a breakfast meeting made me late, and I exploded. This scenario is in respect to my children however it could be your partner a colleague or anyone else for that matter.
I realised that I had not been addressing the issue and putting it off as something that wasn’t that important and I would deal with it soon. I also didn’t think I knew how to get them to behave so I was putting it off as talking to them wasn’t working, and I don’t believe in smacking. I have also realised that there are many things that I tolerate that slowly eat away at my energy and vitality. I tolerate others lateness, I tolerate some people treating me in a way that I find disrespectful, I tolerate people not doing what they have committed to and the list goes on. I have become aware that each of these things that I tolerate slowly saps my energy and grinds me down.
We read so much about setting goals and being focused and on behaviours that we should be developing and yet there is relatively little about what we tolerate. I held a workshop on Tuesday for company and I think the most exciting actions we discovered were the ones that came from looking at what the company was tolerating in its culture.
I have spoken to my children and I am committed that if they do not pull their weight then I will simply stop doing all of the things that I do for them. I will not do this with anger I will do this with love, I have tired speaking to them and if we are to have a respectful relationship then I need to be respected as much as they do. It is also not their responsibility to respect me, it is my responsibility to respect myself and not to allow things to build up to the point that I explode. I will no longer tolerate some of the behaviours I had in the past.
The example I have given is in relation to my children however it is applicable in any relationship you have.
Where in your life are you tolerating behaviour that is draining and disrespecting you?
Loads of love
Decisions are what we all have to make sometimes they are easy and at other times they are hard. Whether you are a stay- at -home mum or a CEO your decisions will impact others’ lives so how do you go about making the right decisions? The way that I do it is by checking a number of steps.
1. Who am I being when I make a decision, am I in reaction to individuals, the event or my belief system? Am I being the person I would choose to be if I was at my best? Any decision you make comes from who you are being so if you want to be a great decision maker you will need to master being in control of your being!
For example; let’s say the qualities that I would most like to embody are integrity, compassion, and honesty. Does my decision come from me being these things?
2. I learnt this from Access Consciousness and I hope that I can explain it so that you can get it. When you make decisions they either leave you feeling complete and light or incomplete and heavy. This does not mean that you take the easy option sometimes it is the difficult decision that leaves you more complete even though you now have to find the courage to action it.
This might all sound a bit woo woo however we are all made of energy even if we don’t acknowledge it and when we are in alignment with this we feel great and when we are out of alignment we feel bad it really is that simple.
For example; someone in your organisation or family has behaved in a manner that is not in line with your values. What do you do? As explained above wait a moment before rushing in and ensure that you are coming from the right place. Then sit with the issue and look at the options, you might want to write them down as this tends to get them out of your head and you will be more objective about them. I find it easier if I don’t think about how I am going to implement the decision at this stage (this just tends to scare the whatsits out of me). As you look through your options you will be able to feel that some of them make you feel very uncomfortable and heavy (this usually sits in my stomach) while others seem to leave you feeling lighter and better about yourself. Chuck the ones that leave you feeling heavy away and focus now on the others. When you make the right decision you are in alignment with your higher being, your soul, your core or whatever you want to call it. The way I see it is as if you have a straw connecting these aspects of yourself. When you are in alignment there are no kinks and energy can flow through it and you feel light and energized. When you are out of alignment it is as if there are kinks in your straw and energy cannot flow hence the negative feelings of being heavy and de-energized. Very technical I know! It might take some practice but I can assure you that if you do make the time you will find decision making in any form so much easier. Now all you need to do is find the courage to implement the decision. Good LUck and let me know how it goes.