Dow do your judgements trap you?
Judgement, something we all do, yet we all hate at the same time. Judging another does not feel good and being judged by another feels even worse. I am going to give you some insightful perspectives on judgment and what you can learn from what you judge.
Your judgements are actually a reflection of what you judge in yourself.
What we judge in others is actually what we are struggling with ourselves. So if you judge others as being messy it is because it is something you are very critical of in yourself. Either you are not very tidy or you are but it takes a lot of effort and deep down you are afraid of losing control to the mess. Judgment is often only an opinion and as such it is not reality. It is simply your way of looking at the world through the programming and beliefs built up from parents, schools, society and experiences you have had in your life. You can feel that your opinion is so important that it is almost law, and the frustration and anger you can feel when someone else does not value your opinion can be intense.
Your judgements imprison you
Just recently I realised that our judgments actually keep us imprisoned in our life. For instance if you believe that being a bad person is detrimental ,you will most likely have judged other people for being bad in whatever way you think fits your interpretation of bad. It could be adultery, excessive drinking, and rudeness and so on. However, life has a way of challenging us and we can be thrown into the very situations we have judged others on. If you have these judgements they will affect the choices you make and when these choices come from a fear of your own judgments they will entrap you. For example let’s say you disagree with divorce, maybe you have criticised others for getting divorced so when your relationship starts to deteriorate you will think ‘but I am not one of those people’ and then hold onto the bad relationship ,hurting yourself and others in the process -just so you don’t have to be one of “those people.” Imagine that there was no judgment; you would then be free to act in a way that felt good for you or that felt light for you. Suddenly the options you have in a certain situation expand and your life opens up.
What you think others are judging in you is the truth.
I love this one as your ego will start to get very agitated when you can see this clearly!
I have found that we live in a cage of what we think others are judging in us. I have seen women who in their youth were stunning but as age crept up and changed their bodies have struggled to go out and socialise due to how they think other women will judge them. What we think others are thinking of us imprisons us. It limits us and it enforces boundaries on our lives. Ironically we are actually the ones imprisoning ourselves as it is the things we think others are thinking of us and not what they actually are that limits us.
No one is ever judging you except yourself. Well, they might be but you will only care about it when it relates to your own judgments. When you believe that someone is judging you, you will then display the very thing you fear being judged about. Let me explain. Let us say you fear that people think you are not clever enough. You will react in one of two ways. You will either go all out to prove that you are clever or you will retreat into defence. To prove that you are indeed clever enough and prove them wrong you might leap into the conversation speaking forcefully on the topic being discussed, however, knowing little about it, you will say things that don’t make sense or aren’t true therefore proving yourself to not be very clever. If you go into defence mode you will withdraw yourself from the conversation adding nothing and leaving people thinking that you are stupid and you will feel even more stupid. Once you can see that what you believe others are thinking about you is actually what you fear they are thinking of you, you can deal with the fear. In the example above if you are afraid of not being clever, ask yourself: where are you clever? It might not be in the area under discussion but I am positive there will be an area in your life where you are definitely an expert. So let this one go no one is ever an expert in every area. I know a lot about consciousness but know little about technology. I know I would look very stupid if I tried to pretend I knew what I was talking about in such a conversation. Sometimes we do better to keep quiet and ask questions to learn, the people you are with will also feel appreciated if ask them about their field of expertise. I know I love to be asked about consciousness.
The way out of judgment
The way out of judgment is just to be aware that judgments are not coming from outside in, they start on the inside and are reflected back at you. I love using this example with clients -if you call a thin person fat they will look at you like there is something wrong with you. However if you call a fat person fat then they will be deeply hurt by it. This is because they believe it to be true. So it is never about what others say or do it is about what you believe to be true and how that affects you.
With love Britt
How to stop the struggle
There have been times in my life that I have wondered at this thing called life. Why does it have to be so hard!? No sooner have I conquered one mountain than another one looms over me! I barely have time to celebrate my victory before I have to be off again to the next climb.
Does this sound familiar? Have you been struggling from one challenge to the next? I have been giving this much thought as this is not the life that I signed up for. What I have discovered is what I am going to share with you now.
You know how when you are growing up, some idealists tell you that you should really do what you love to do? I know I got told this. Unfortunately I didn’t really know what I would love to do, so I became indoctrinated with what others thought I should be doing. And not just what I should be doing, but what I needed to be doing in order to be successful and survive at what I should be doing. Finally I found something that I did want to be doing but then I still had all of the vestiges of other people’s opinions on how I should be doing it and it seems that only now, am I really stepping out and doing what I love in the way that I love it.
At different points in my life it has all been about surviving. Doing whatever I could to make ends meet and not sink in the process. What I have learnt recently though is that what those idealists told me all those years ago is the truth. It does not matter which strategies you use or how clever you appear, if you are not happy doing what you do -you are not going to be happy. Life will be one challenge after another because you are not on solid footing or in line with yourself.
There are a number of components to doing what you love
I hope you find your path and wish you happy traveling
With love Britt
How to overcome stress
I decided to write this article because I have recently made the huge decision to move from Botswana to England. As far as life stresses go moving is right up there as one of the most stressful life changes. What I have found interesting, is that by using these techniques below I am able to keep my stress levels right down, even though the plans keep changing for reasons totally out of my control. I know many people struggle with stresses of one kind or another and I hope that my insights might be able to help you.
Stress is one of the biggest most damaging emotions in society. Anyone who doesn’t believe that our thoughts and emotions create illness in our bodies should just look at stress. It is common knowledge that stress causes ulcers, high blood pressure and heart attacks. But what is stress and how do you overcome it?
Stress is the result of your belief that your environment is threatening and your body’s conditioned response to threat which is fight, flight or freeze. To prepare your body for the perceived attack or threat adrenalin and cortisol are released into the blood stream, which causes the heart to beat faster, blood to be directed away from digestion and into the muscles amongst other reactions. The sensations you might experience are breathlessness, increased body temperature, sweating, and single minded focus, (or obsessive thoughts), on the issue.
It is the oldest part of your brain that reacts to stress, the reptilian part, and it does not discern between real or imagined threats. What this means for us in our modern world is that the threats are more often than not imagined ones and not ones that will literally kill you. For instance being late for a meeting, being stuck in traffic, moving house, relationship challenges, your team winning at sport, or getting your kids into a good school and so on. If you look even more closely at this it is not the event that actually cause’s you stress it is your thoughts about the event that cause you stress. So thoughts about how disastrous something might be = stress!! No thoughts about something = no stress. There are many ways to destress some of which I have found helpful and some of which I have not. For instance have you ever tried to meditate when you are seriously stressed? I have and to be honest it makes me even more stressed, because as I try to calm down and let go of things, more stressful thoughts reappear. And then not only am I stressing about whatever scary thing is going on in my life, I am also stressing about not being able to destress! That is not to say mediation is not helpful I love mediating just that it might not be the first step in destressing.
I have faced a number of stressful situations in my life and this is what I have found works
I have used both of these and find I favor one or other depending on how I feel. Use both and see which feel right for you. At present I am using the ho'oponoponoone but it shifts and changes.
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Wishing you all of the very best