Where are you tolerating behaviour that is wearing you down?
Yesterday I am sad to say I exploded at my children in the car on the way to school. When I say exploded I mean totally lost it. Luckily this doesn’t happen very often, and when it does it is a very rude awakening for all of us. After I had dropped them off I did some serious thinking, I really don’t like the feeling of behaving like this even if it does feel like I have let off some serious steam. It was in the realisation that I had let off some serious steam that I understood what had happened. I have been unhappy about the mess they make in the lounge on weekends, that they make food and eat in there, and that they don’t tidy up unless I nag them incessantly. I was just exhausted from constantly chasing them to do things that I see as normal responsibilities for people living together. It had worn me down until yesterday when their dawdling after I specifically asked them to be ready on time as I had a breakfast meeting made me late, and I exploded. This scenario is in respect to my children however it could be your partner a colleague or anyone else for that matter.
I realised that I had not been addressing the issue and putting it off as something that wasn’t that important and I would deal with it soon. I also didn’t think I knew how to get them to behave so I was putting it off as talking to them wasn’t working, and I don’t believe in smacking. I have also realised that there are many things that I tolerate that slowly eat away at my energy and vitality. I tolerate others lateness, I tolerate some people treating me in a way that I find disrespectful, I tolerate people not doing what they have committed to and the list goes on. I have become aware that each of these things that I tolerate slowly saps my energy and grinds me down.
We read so much about setting goals and being focused and on behaviours that we should be developing and yet there is relatively little about what we tolerate. I held a workshop on Tuesday for company and I think the most exciting actions we discovered were the ones that came from looking at what the company was tolerating in its culture.
I have spoken to my children and I am committed that if they do not pull their weight then I will simply stop doing all of the things that I do for them. I will not do this with anger I will do this with love, I have tired speaking to them and if we are to have a respectful relationship then I need to be respected as much as they do. It is also not their responsibility to respect me, it is my responsibility to respect myself and not to allow things to build up to the point that I explode. I will no longer tolerate some of the behaviours I had in the past.
The example I have given is in relation to my children however it is applicable in any relationship you have.
Where in your life are you tolerating behaviour that is draining and disrespecting you?
Loads of love