Finding Freedom By Being Truly Seen

Allowing myself to be truly seen is something that I have personally struggled with most of my life, well for as long as I can remember, although most people would most likely say that I am very open. And yet I know that by trying to be what is either expected of me by society or my friends and family makes me feel less expansive and more contracted. I have realised that for me to find freedom I need to allow myself to be truly seen. 

In this world where we have so much social media and we're presenting ourselves in a certain way, (a perfect life where everything is beautiful and you're having the most amazing experience and you’re so unique and knowledgeable and so much better than everybody), is almost like an unwritten rule. Allowing yourself to be truly seen seems to be completely counter to what everyone else is trying to do. However allowing yourself to be seen is where true freedom lies, because trying to maintain a perfect looking life to everybody else is incredibly exhausting and it is out of alignment with your truth. Not only is it exhausting but it actually creates a lot of distance between you and other people as not many people can really relate to perfect. If you think about people (and the name Brené Brown comes to mind) who have shared really personal insights into their own lives with the world there is something real about them and relatable.  It is as if you get them but not only do you get them but there is a feeling that they might get you too. When someone is willing to be themselves there is authenticity and with authenticity comes trust and when you can trust someone it is so much easier to open up and connect with them. 

It is funny because the things we feel ashamed of the parts of us that we try to hide are actually the parts of us that make us human and relatable. 

The upsides of allowing yourself to be truly seen are deep connections with other people a freedom to really be who you are and to own every aspect of who you are.  When you own everything and you learn to let go of the shame of some things that you think are unacceptable you can start to accept other people as well and there is greater and deeper understanding.  You are able to see that all humans are just human we are all flawed we all have things we like and dislike about ourselves but that that does not make you a good or a bad person it just makes you human. Allowing yourself to be truly seen also creates confidence, deep, deep confidence because when you have accepted every part of yourself whether somebody else accepts it or not is completely irrelevant. When you are trying to hide parts of yourself there is always a lingering fear inside you that somebody might see something you don't want them to see there will always be something you feel like you are hiding. This hiding of a part of yourself takes a lot of effort and thought and manipulation and whilst you think that other people don’t see this we all pick up on everything that everyone is being on some level whether we are aware of it or not. I feel that there is a massive reason why learning to allow yourself to be seen is so incredibly important, because it helps you to live a much more full and happy and confident life.  So how do you go about it that's the next question how do you overcome the fear of letting people see all the things you think are unacceptable? 
For me one of my first steps into this was bizarrely enough sitting in front of a camera and a microphone when I did my training. We had to do these little videos and on one of the days I realised that I could get up and stand in front of people and talk and feel quite comfortable but as soon as I was in front of the camera I became really self conscious and self aware and not in a good way. I didn't feel like who I became as it didn’t feel like me and it bugged me. I knew a process that had helped me in the past uncover something that I wasn’t immediately aware of so decided to do it. I got a piece of paper and I sat down very innocently I started bullet pointing all the things that came up for me when I imagined myself sitting in front of a camera. The very last thing that I put down was the feeling of being alone. As I wrote it down I could feel this deep feeling of aloneness and the fear around that was that people wouldn’t accept me. That I would be rejected if people saw every part of me and the fear was that I would be alone. For some reason being in front of the camera really triggered this for me and the realisation was quite emotional. However once I had allowed myself to fully feel this aloneness that lived inside of me that I hadn’t even really been aware of and allowed myself to retrace my steps in my life to the times when I had felt really alone and allowed myself to cry and release the pain of all of this I felt a peace and a calm so deep and so clear. I asked myself was what I believed really the truth?  Was it really true that I would be rejected by every single person I knew if they knew who I was? And was I ever really truly alone? I saw that no one is ever alone there is always Source / Life / God / Allah where ever we are and what ever we are doing. The truth was also that no one had ever rejected me because of who I was it was normally because of who they were.  People were normally more open when they knew you more deeply there was more understanding and acceptance.  

The way to start stepping into this is 

1. Realise what it is that you are afraid people will see. You will know to start looking when you act out of alignment with who you know yourself to be. Just as I did when I was in front of the camera. You will also be able to tell when someone accuses you of something and you get triggered and defensive. This will highlight a part of you that you might not be accepting. 
2. Become comfortable with these aspects of yourself. There was a lovely lady (who unfortunately has now passed) called Debbie Ford who talks a lot about shadow work. Which is about looking at the aspects of yourself that you do not like and becoming comfortable with them by finding out how they serve you. For instance I was always called bossy and stubborn and I was brought up to believe that these were not good parts of who I was. Only when I did this process did I realise that they serve me really well. I am a people  pleaser by nature and being bossy or stubborn helped me to be me and to prevent myself from being walked all over. Another couple that I used to hate were pathetic and over sensitive. ​                                                                                                                                                                                  When you find yours it is important to own them instead of making them wrong and trying to push them away and hide them from everybody else. Bring them into the light and looking at them and say to yourself okay so this is who I am this is a part of who I am it's not all of who I am and how does that serve me? For me being oversensitive funnily enough is one of my greatest assets in my life because it's how I empathetically connect with people. I can feel what people are going through without having to necessarily have a massive discussion with them. I can just feel it in my body so now I love that part of me and it is also why I am really good at what I do. I found it very hard to own pathetic, it was how I felt when I was feeling weak and feeling helpless or hopeless. I was brought up to think that I had to be strong and do things on my own. And I have learnt that being strong is exhausting and lonely. I have realised that balance is important and that there is a time when being weak or not being strong and asking for help is incredibly important. I no longer see it as pathetic but I've owned it and I now integrate it into being a healthy human being. 
3. Laughing at yourself and learning humility about who you are is one of the most wonderful things that you can do. I believe that the egoic state is anything to do with your identity of who you are, the persona that you have created in this lifetime. The more you are able to laugh at who you are the less hold the ego has over you and the less seriously you take yourself. Being more unattached to this part of yourself creates a lightness, an effervescent aspect to who you are. The ego is constantly trying to protect the idea of itself and make itself real but who you are is so much more than your ego and your identity. If you’re able to laugh at yourself and to see the funny side in your personality you will stay much more centred, more true to yourself and much more real. I know we've only just scraped the surface on allowing yourself to be seen but I hope there's something in this blog that you found that will help you to start to break open a little and step forward a little bit more into being who you truly are. 

It is not by coincidence that authenticity is valued so highly in society and yet it is such a rare commodity and this being truly seen is about being authentic. I will dive a little bit deeper into authenticity at some point in the future in noter blog. 
If you have enjoyed this blog or feel I have missed something out I would love to hear from you. I also have many other resources such as free courses, lots of videos and a podcast which you can find on my website which is listed in the first comment below. 

So much love from me to you.

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